Less than Long Shots
by Universitas
Summary: Miscellaneous drabbles and microfic concerning Victor Shepard and Jeff Moreau. Part of a Victor Shepard-verse reboot. *M!Shep/Joker*
1. Human Courtship Patterns

**Less than Long Shots  
**_By Universitas / c_saber_

_So it's been a while since I've been a regular poster/contributor/spammer here. Recently my enthusiasm for ME has seen a resurgence, and with that's emerged a new project: rewriting "Mass Mayhem." I wrote these things to get myself back in the ME mindset. Thanks for reading!_

* * *

**1.**

For all the swapping they did on the bed, until now things never switched around in it. This was the first time ever Victor let him play big spoon, and Joker learned a long time ago never to let opportunities go by. So he snuggled up against the larger man's back—something he could get used to—and wrapped his arm around.

"That's your hand on my crotch."

"Yeah."

A long silence before Victor sighed. It was pitch-black in the cabin, but Joker could hear a smile in it. "Asshole."

He resisted every urge to give it a squeeze.

—

**2.**

Joker knew that face well.

He saw it all the time, like when they just dropped out of FTL and some derelict ship or uncharted planet waited beyond the _Normandy's_ forward viewports. Or in the captain's cabin, when Victor was at his desk with a bunch of EDI and Miranda's reports to go through. Or on the firing range, when Victor had a sniper rifle in his hands and a holographic target a hundred meters away in his sights. Usually Joker found that face pretty damn sexy. Here?

"They're _shirts._"

"And they're two hundred each. I can't rush this decision."

—

**3.**

"Are you knowledgeable about human courtship patterns?"

Joker blinked at the question. The mobile platform was undergoing maintenance, so EDI's avatar hovered by his left instead. "What brought this up?"

"I have been reviewing my interactions with Specialist Traynor. After comparing her behavior towards me with several hundred accounts of human courtship, I have reason to believe she is 'flirting' with me. For example, she once described my voice as 'attractive.' Given your relationship—"

"Whoa. Just because Victor and I are an item doesn't mean I'm suddenly Kelly Chambers."

"Very well. I will ask Javik."

Silence.

"That was a joke."

—

**4.**

_Check in with Wrex. Run more simulat—_

Victor Shepard's mental checklist halted once he stepped into his cabin and found Joker sitting by his desk. Wearing his visor. A tap on its side, and the mirror-image UI shifted around.

"I have no idea how you get everything done with all the info in one eye," Joker said.

"You… didn't change any of the settings, did you?" He had spent a month re-coding the software to his exact specifications.

"Nah. Just wanted to check your _amazing, iconic_ visor out. Y'know, some of the newer crew say you go to bed wearing this thing."

He spotted a hat sitting by the computer. "They probably say the same about you with this."

It was Joker's turn to blink after Victor tugged it on. A few moments later he brought up his omni-tool and broke the silence. "Headgear swap holo?"

"Sure."


	2. More than a Replacement

**More than a Replacement**

_"My cabin's your cabin,"_ Shepard once told him, but the place still had the "significant other's space" feel to it. Waiting on the leather couch, Joker couldn't shake the awkwardness of being there alone. Thankfully, Shepard granted him the mercy of speed.

He let himself recline when he heard the door open. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." Looking a bit worse for wear after the mission to Grissom, Shepard made his way down the small set of stairs. The metal case sitting on the table quickly caught his attention. "What's this?"

"I'm told you miss your old sniper rifle…"

"It's true. The Mantis feels like a downgrade from the—" Shepard narrowed his eyes. A cautious smile crept across his lips as his gaze flicked back and forth between Joker and the case. "Wait. You didn't."

Joker replied with a wider grin. "Better."

Shepard stepped forward and undid the case's latches. The long black rifle inside possessed a familiar shape, though sleeker and slimmer than the old Widow lost at Bahak. "Figured you deserved more than just a replacement. Way less recoil, a third of the heat generation, and," Joker paused for dramatic effect, "it matches your armor."

The outright ear-to-ear grin he got reminded him of how few and far between moments like these had become. The war meant that by necessity, Joker had to see far more Commander Shepard and far less Victor. "You know me too well. Thanks," Shepard said, rounding the table then plopping down on the couch. "How'd you get it?"

Joker shrugged. "Japanese, likes wearing black, digs Jacob, penchant for kleptomania?"

"I'll thank her next time I see her." Shepard's gaze drifted back to the Black Widow. "Stay the night?"

"Shiny new guns are the price of admission into your bed?"

Shepard wrapped an arm around Joker's shoulder. "I'd make an innuendo about weapons, but I figure that's more your area of expertise than mine."

Joker made a face. "Oh, come on, I have _standards_."


End file.
